just the way you are

zaman sekarang ni memang susah nak cari orang yang betul-betul sayangkan diri kita yang sebenar. dalam hal aku, langsung tiada yang even suka saja kat aku. maybe sebab aku ni bukanlah your typical, ideal female. aku more on the chubby side of the figure scale, jadi, aku faham. kadang-kadang tu terasa la jugak bila dengar yang kawan-kawan aku ni dah ade cewek ke cowok ke, scandal ke, peminat ke padahal aku terkontang-kanting sorang-sorang sambil mulut ternganga hahah. tapi aku takde lah nak ambik hati sangat, sebab aku faham..

aku faham sebab aku pun ade jugak kriteria-kriteria tertentu yang aku inginkan daripada seorang insan yang bergelar lelaki. seperti semua orang di luar sana, aku mahukan yang tall, dark and handsome. tapikan, at the end of the day, semua lelaki yang aku minat tak memenuhi kriteria fizikal tersebut, kebanyakannya adalah the exact opposite of it heehe. at the end of day, hati budi dan tingkah laku itulah yang berjaya menambat hatiku yang terlalu lembut ini. aku suka orang yang tidak terlalu mainstream atau cliche. ramai minat brad pitt, aku minat johnny depp. ramai minat angelina jolie, aku minat cate blanchett atau helena bonham carter (lakonan dia dalam harry potter memang terbaik). jadi, when it comes to guys, i like 'em different.

maybe sebab aku ni pun seorang yang...different. perempuan lain tersipu-sipu, aku ketawa tak ingat dunia. perempuan lain cubit2 manja, aku bantai pukul je bahu kawan-kawan lelaki aku. perempuan lain pakai heels jalan comel-comel je, aku pakai heels terpeleot all over the place dan perasan catwalk macam alessandra ambrosio dalam runway victoria secret. perempuan lain suara lembut-lembut je, kawan2 aku suka ejek suara aku yang macam jantan (tapi aku nyanyi sedap yeeemwahahahh). perempuan lain girly2, aku ni geli2 dengan girly2 ni.....dan macam2 lagi.

jadi, aku ingin kan seseorang seperti bruno mars dan lagu-lagu nyanyiannya. dia sering menyanyikan lirik yang membawa maksud bahawa dia akan sayang seseorang itu unconditionally.... bak kata-kata dalam lirik lagunya... "'cause you're amazing, just the way you are....". aku juga mahukan seseorang seperti Katy Parry ceritakan dalam lagu Teenage Dream ; "you think i'm pretty without any makeup on, you think i'm funny when i tell the punch line wrong"...




ya, aku mahukan seseorang yang sebegitu..

tarik balik

kata-kataku pada post sebelum ini kutarik balik.


I'm sorry.... i now understand what you're going through.. be strong...

bodoh

mesti kau pun period gak kan.

giving up

on happiness
on joy
on stability
on calm
on love
on life

GROW UP


they don't exist...

sad, sorry little self.

depressed..

01.06.

tonight, i will be saying goodbye to teenagehood. the last time i can say "-teen" if someone asks my age. it's hard. i loved being a teenager. i love the feeling of youth that comes with the age. i love that people still think you're not quite mature because you're a teen. i love saying "I'm -teen years old!". i love being immature. i want to dress up like teenagers do. i'm not ready to grow up. i'm not ready to have more responsibility that comes with future age. i want to be forever young..... Edward Cullen, HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!

on another note, i now fucking hate 01.06. thanks to him, i often become sad or depressed whenever someone mentions 01.06. it's because his fucking whore's is on 02.06. FUCK THEM!!!! now, 01.06 will forever be a painful reminder of 02.06 and i will always be the victim of this accidental tragedy to another bigger tragedy. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i know that those who doesn't know will be confused as hell about those numbers and what it meant and who he and her is or whatever. i'm glad for that, that's exactly what i'm after. but for those who knows me and understood perfectly what it meant, I BEG YOU ALL to NEVER mention 01.06 EVER again. family, friends, whoever...please...

i beg you..

The 'D' Word

depression. that is something that i've never really felt before. but now, i think that might actually be in a state of depression. why, you may ask? well, a lot of things had happened these past couple of years, and i've been strong enough to ward off any miserable feelings, but it seems that i have now lost the battle.

i'm miserable...